I really should think of a better name
by waster-of-trees
Summary: A normal day at the office is naturally turned into disaster for Ed and worse its all his own fault. Yaoi warning! Slash, malexmale. Shounenai, etc, etc, etc.
1. Chapter 1

It was a normal day at the office. Havoc was trying to kill himself by getting lung cancer. Hughes was torturing Fuery, Falman and Breda with his latest batch of pictures of his family. Armstrong was well… sparkling. Riza was trying to control herself from threatening her superiors into getting back to work with her gun. An- what was that? You want to hear about what Colonel Roy and Ed were doing in the office? To put it frankly they were getting close to having gay sex. Anyways- what now! I don't have time for these interruptions. You want me to describe their making out in detail? No! God! do you have to be spoon-fed everything? Use your imagination! (Gets mobbed by mad fangirls) Anyways, as I was saying, Riza's hand itched at her gun and she tried to control herself by remembering that every time she forced those two to do something at gunpoint it always backfired. But she could control it no longer her hand went to her gun, pulled it out and sent a bullet through Roy's door. Hearing the gunshot the two occupants stopped their 'activities' and directed their attention to the gunshot hole.

" Sirs you have five minutes to get dressed and go back to work" Riza shouted through the door. With that Riza sighed and sat down as the two men (or should I say one man and one chibi-chan) in the office scrambled to put their clothes back on. In side the office Ed and Roy had finished redressing and were trying to do something to make their red lips and flushed cheeks less visible. After Ed put his own hair back into a braid he reached up to Roy's midnight locks, which were also in disarray.

"Here let me fix that" the blond whispered. Roy was surprised at his lover's uncharacteristic sweetness but he had been acting that way a lot recently. Nevertheless Roy sighed and let the blond slip his flesh hand through his hair.

"You are way too abrasive with my hair it is a wonder I still have as much as I do now." Roy complained.

Ed opened his mouth to protest but smiled instead as he made a new discovery.

"What have we here? This is something" purred the blonde.

"What is it?"

"Interesting" said Ed

Roy was getting a little worried that the blonde's hand had stopped moving in his hair. "You'd better tell me soon before you shrink again and I can't hear you anymore chibi."

But astonishingly Ed just grinned even wider (if that was possible) and sighed " maybe I shouldn't tell you are so happy without knowing." With that he got up from the raven-haired man's lap and walked towards the door. Roy was beginning to loose his composure, something no one seemed to be able to break through.

" Ed what is it tell me"

"Well…"

"Tell me now Ed, that is an order"

"If you want to know you have to be nicer than that."

"Ed!" came the shout warningly.

"Two words equivalent and exchange"

Roy sighed, "What do you want"

"I want to top tonight" came the answer from the blond.

"WHAT?!!!" in shock the colonel had pushed the paperwork to the floor (maybe not _so_ accidental).

"Yea I'm tired of my ass hurting every morning." (O.o)

"No way! You would kill me. You have no experience and you would be way too forceful with those teenage hormones of yours. Just be quiet and listen to me I have ten more years of experience in this field than you."

"Fine suit yourself" with a shrug Ed opened the door and put a foot outside. "See you later Roy"

That did it Roy Mustang _the _Flame Alchemist lost his cool. "FINE! You can fuckin be on top" he shouted. This comment was heard by all that were present in the office finally after it clicked they all started laughing (except Riza who got even madder); then abruptly stopped as the image of what tonight in Roy's house might look like came to their minds then they were traumatized. Chuckling to himself Ed walked back in "if you really want to know you have a gray hair"

" That is a joke right Ed?"

"No it is the truth. Not very noticeable though just one."

Roy pulled open his drawer and started rummaging through it as if his life depended on it.

" umm… Roy? What are you doing?"

Roy seemed to not hear him so he said louder "Roy?"

The colonel ignored him and continued his frantic rummaging. Finally after a minute or so, Roy exclaimed "Aha! Found it!"

"Found what?"

Again Roy ignored him and pulled a heart shaped mirror into view and started staring at his reflection very intensely. "Ed! Come here and show me where it is" he said at last. His expression was so passionate Ed did not dare to retort or comment about the mirror. "Um ok right here" he said parting a section of hair and singling out one strand. True to the chibi's word it was gray and as soon as Roy saw it his face turned gray as well.

"This cant be happening" Roy whispered in a rough voice.

"Roy, are you alright?" the chibi could only joke so much and now he was getting worried.

"Roy got up slowly and stumbled out of his chair muttering furiously "this cant be happening' this is not happening" and shaking his head like a maniac. He finally tripped and fell to the floor landing hard on his stomach. And Riza chose this time to enter the office with the rest of the nosy staff poking their heads around the wall.

"Why are you still on the floor?" she asked her voice dangerously quiet. In his oblivious state Roy couldn't even answer the Hawk. But Ed was scared enough for the both of them "you see lieutenant... umm… well… uhh…the thing was-" his feeble attempts at excuses were cut short with Roy's shuffling as he inched into a near by corner and assumed the Tamaki pose (that's right you Host Club fans). "I'm old. a gray hair" he started muttering over and over again. Riza looked murderous when she turned to Edward "gray hair?" "umm yea I found it and… yea." He feebly answered. Riza was preparing to say some thing but was sharply shoved aside by Armstrong with Hughes following in his massive shadow. "Never fear Mustang" he bellowed sparkles abundant around his head. "The Armstrong family is famous for our ancient and hair techniques, I mean look at this hair." He pointed to the lone curl of hair on his head. "Don't worry Roy," he said flexing his shirtless chest "I can help you get your hair looking as gorgeous as mine!" Ed blanched at this he _liked_ Roy's hair, he wouldn't be caught dead admitting it but he purposely woke up earlier than the flame alchemist every morning just to bury his face in those raven locks for a few minutes. "wha- no!" he protested looking like a stick in front of Armstrong "Roy is gonna be _fine_. Just don't touch his hair." Hughes who had been uncharacteristically quiet all this time suddenly stepped forward "now Edward let Major Armstrong work, I'm sure he knows what he is doing." He said with an evil glint in his eye. "No way I'll let you touch his hair!" the short blond shouted. Flashing his evil grin Hughes drawls "well if you aren't going to cooperate-now!" At that moment Armstrong struck the ground with his fist and alchemized stone ropes around the blonde trapping his hands at his sides. "What thebleepbleepbleep-let mebleep go! You bleeeeeeeeep" shouted the blonde but the two men paid no attention to his colorful monologue and proceeded to carry the bereaved flame alchemist out of the door past the speechless Riza. With no one in a position to hinder them they walked quickly out of sight.


	2. Authors note

What tortures will Armstrong and Hughes put Roy through? Well since I love Roy to death my weak heart cant think of much so I'll leave it up to my readers, if you've ever hated Roy this is the time to get revenge! Review please.


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